Last July, our second son was born needing nicu care for 15 days, including an iv, a breathing tube with forced air pressure, a feeding tube and forced feedings, and blue full spectrum light for bilirubin reduction.
Minutes after he was born, he had to leave the delivery room and we would not see him again for several hours, until he was “stabilized.” I wasn’t even allowed to hold him for several days, nor feed him, as he was too weak and hooked up to so many machines. When they finally let me hold him I was in such heaven.
He had poor muscle tone and they believed him to be earlier than dated by several weeks. His tiny little feet received multiple pricks a day for different blood level checks. His feet were pricked so often that the nurse didn’t have to make a new hole sometimes, since he would just start to bleed again easily from the previous holes. His body started at 5 pounds 14 ounces at birth and dipped to under 5 pounds before he slowly started to regain weight.
One of the hardest days was on day three when I was discharged from the hospital due to lack of bed space. The doctor explained that usual policy would allow me to stay, but that they just didn’t have room with all of the births coming in. I just about lost my mind when we pulled away from the hospital and I knew I couldn’t visit with him as easily. Once home, I threw the car keys out of the car, refused to get out and just sobbed so hard. For those hard days apart, we visited him as frequently as we physically could, both exhausted and still recovering from birth.
On about the 8th day, they approved him for a change of ward and allowed us to room in with him. His feeding tube and other supports were slowly removed. We lived at the hospital, only leaving for a few hours every day to spend time with our older son and take care of our animals.
I had to be with the baby as much as possible. I believe he knew we were there with him, which I thought could help speed up his recovery. So many babies in the nicu seemed to be alone most of the day.
Zander is now at the top of the growth charts and doing fine. The entire experience feels far away now that he’s home, but it’s still upsetting to remember the details.
But one thing I won’t forget about is how God was there for me every moment of what we went through. I felt the Lord’s presence at his pregnancy, birth, and throughout the nicu. Several exhausted, quiet moments were spent in the presence of the Lord. I called on Him to be with me and strengthen me, and I believe He kept me from falling apart during what was really a traumatic experience where I could’ve lost my child.
I am thankful for the people that God worked through to bring me comfort and companionship through this season: My husband, my mother in law, my parents, and the lovely pastoral staff and church family of Trinity First United Methodist. I am forever grateful.
Let me declare that “I have seen the Lord” in the nicu. And hopefully, that’s what this art conveys.
#aiart #amberhorizons
